Welcome to Uri-Nation; Population: -42

For those that don't already know there is a certain unwritten public bathroom code. This is a code that all should follow and it breaks down into 3 parts; urinal, stall and sink. Since this is a code that obviously ALOT of people don't know I will post it here for yours and my wellbeing.

URINAL:

1. Placement and general rules
1a. when walking into a bathroom and there is nobody else in the bathroom take the urinal that is the closest to the door.
1b. if there is somebody else using the 1 of the urinals do not use the urinal next to them, go a minimum of 1 place away from them, unless you have no other choice(see 1c.). Anything less makes u prone to the red button syndrome (see addendum A). This is alright if your into that sorts thing but most men are NOT! If all urinals are full check stalls
ADDENDUM A: Red button syndrome is if someone tells you NOT to push the red button, what does basic human instinct tell you to do? Use your imagination as to how this applies as it is somewhat obvious.
1c. should all urinals be full, hold it until 1 frees up in accordance to rule b, unless an absolute emergency. Even then check stalls first.
1d. Conversation is appropate if you area both staring at the wall DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU! If you follow rule 1b peeking should not be a problem but better be safe than sorry
2. Finishing
2a. when finishing, use 2-4 jiggles, anymore and you are just playing with it and that is NOT proper bathroom code. EVEN IN A STALL!

STALLS

1. Placement and general rules
1a. all stalls are open to free use regardless of tho is in the next stall.
1b. if there is graffiti is appropiate to read it as it makes the time go faster
1c. it is also appropiate to make conversation with the person in the stall next to you should he start making ungainly..."noises." such things are:
"You all right in there?"
"I felt that one"
others are not proper stall conversation such as:
"What crawled up your butt and died?"
"Did you just fall in?"
Any other conversation is STRICTLY off limits

SINKS

1. Placement and general rules
1a. When finished passing your earthly byproducts is is good hygene to wash you hands, all conversation must now be kept to a minimum as to assure a speedy departure from the bathroom

This concludes the basic bathroom code, if all rules are followed ther will not b a freak out because "some guy saw ur dingus". when finished depart from the bathroom adn go about what you were doing before nature called

Corndogs and the Interweb

For many cooking is a past time. for others it is a job best left to the women. for me it is an etherial experience. a way of looking at the world from a window that many have seen but few have stopped to look into. i am a cook, not a chef. chef is a title that is earned, not aquired in a school. some people cook jsut for the sake of saying "ya i can cook that" but they miss the real meaning of commercial cookery. any body can put on a chef coat adn a pinny, grab a knife adn say that they are a chef. not thinking twice about what they are doing. for me it is a divine trip into gastronomic extacy. donning the infamous chef coat gives one a feeling of euphoria. standing proud before the masses watching emotions of elated bliss creep adn they taste new flavors that have been expertly coaxed out of a fillet of fish or a steak. THAT is why i am a cook.

Growing Up

int he last 50 years growing up has become infinatly more difficult. so many more variables to contend with. back, and i shall call it "in the day" all that you had to worry about was getting your homework on time, doing your chores, and worring about your sister would tell your mom that you accidently knocked the cat out n open window. then came highschool with all the social graces to master like not farting while you are climbing the rope in gym class, mustering up the courage to ask out the pretty girl in the locker next to you and failing badly. then comes college which mos of us know about and a whole new level of challenges, such as paying the rent, keeping your GPA up while you keep a full time job. over the last 50 years so much has changed. the masses are becoming more and more demanding about what goes on, more scientific discoveries are made that seem to make even the most mundane things seem so deadly. cell phones giving you cancer adn pants so low that you expect the wearers to just keep them around their ankles. in coping with these you come across what i call the "rose pedal revolver". deadly bullets in disguise. emotions flowing with such a tremendous force that the torrent seems to make you feel dead.perhaps things like self destructive habits, car crashes and pregnancy are for the better and not just a part of the natural plan. things have a funny way of working themselves, even if it is jsut scraping by. perhaps these things are done for a reason. a cosmic form of saying "earth to daniel, earth to daniel". all that can b said is that these are things that we learn from. things that will change us mbe for the better, mbe not. who knows