Santa the mutant elf

Being that it is christmas eve i could be writing about something deep, profound, and meaning full. but i wont. instead i shall aim tonights thoughts at a more serious dilema that face the children of the world. santa the mutant elf. according to a survey that i conducted, 3/4 people said that santa was an elf.

now there are a few way to look at this the first being that santa is a pervert/drunk now there are a bunch of songs and poems about the jolly old fat man being a pervert. more specifically child porn. he is alot like god only on christmas. god sees you everywhere, even when u are jacking off in the shower, adn santa sneaks into your house, probes ur kids mind and gives them "toys". besides, for those of you that remember that site elfporn.com there were some pretty hot elves. none the less, santa is a perv.

the other way to look at this is that santa is a mutant elf. all the other elves are midgets and santa is 5ft tall. something in that mans breeding aint kosher in the least. flying around he had to have flown over a few too many nuclear power plants as a trainee elf cuz hes fucking huge. he makes big bird look like a canary.

to wrap this up be careful of santa. no man that sneaks down chimneys and is a media idol for worship on a sacred holiday can be anywhere near good. you have been warned

Celluloid Heroes

The year is coming tward an end , and just like every year before we all sit down and think about the past year. the good things that have happened and the bad things, the things that have made us cry and the things that have made us laugh, all the new friends we have made and all the people that have passed onto the next life. we also think about the upcoming year, what will the new year bring us. fame and fortune? a new girlfriend? but this post isnt dedicated to the upcoming year. this post is dedicated to the people that have passed away this past year. the people that have changed our lives. the celluloid heroes. great comics such as johnny carson adn richard pryor, actors such as don adams and bob denver, and writers like hunter s thompson. some of the many people that have changed our lives. some of these people are the people that made us laugh, others have made us think. in the upcoming year more people like these will pass away and more will be born. we must remember these people, for these are the people that shaped the world. weather you admit it or not these are the people that as a child you laughed to. this is a dying generation of people that were raised on classic comedy, great literature and gazing apon the masters of vaudville. everybody has that person that they look up to. the person that died before you even got to know them but had a remarkable influence on your life. fo my it is my great grandfather joshua logan. he was a director and im not quite sure how he did it but he left a mark on me that drives me tward film and movies with an inconceivable force. these are the people that we must remember, for every has a chance to change a life, weather in life or death.


You can see all the stars as you walk down hollywood boulevard,
Some that you recognise, some that you’ve hardly even heard of.
People who worked and suffered and struggled for fame,
Some who succeeded and some who suffered in vain.

Everybody’s a dreamer and everybody’s a star
And everybody’s in show biz, it doesn’t matter who you are.

And those who are successful,
Be always on your guard,
Success walks hand in hand with failure
Along hollywood boulevard.
--Celluloid Heros, The Kinks

Penis Envy

For those guys that dont walk around the house naked and always have some sort of undergarment you are letting ur penis live a very confined life. during the day it is all alone in the dark, even at night it is in the dark. when you have sex it only sees a few seconds of daylight before getting shoved into another dark place (pick your oriface). when you pee it comes out to see the light, cries becaise it is in the dark all the time adn then gets shoved right back into a dark place. even when you masterbate you penis is not treated with any sort of respect. what do u do when you masterbate? you take it out adn you strangle it until it cries some more then it gets shoved right back, you guess it, into a dark place. guys, treat you penis with respect. what would u do if it runs away? i think that would be a very embarassing conversation to say to a girl. "OMG! you dont have a dick!!!" to which you respond "ya, i know it ran away because i was mistreating it". you could get a replacement, but it would be like buying a dog after the dog u had for so many years dies. treat you dick with a lil more respect, take it out and show it (to) the world.

Act your color, not your shoe size

im not a racist person, but im not politically correct either, however people need to act their color. White people should not act black. White people cannot act "gangsta". Every sentence should not be started or end with "yo". Yo is like "Oi" it is a phrase used to get peoples attention. Yo is not a verb, adverb, noun, preposisition, pronoun, etc. It is an interjection to get somebody's attention. Correct usage is "Yo, Steve! whats up!" not "do u know what im talking about, yo?" White people should not be using phrases like "thats bangin'" or "fah-shizzle" if I hear another white person use those words and or phrased im not gonna "pop a cap in them" im gonna get a stick and pop them upside the head" white people should also not be walking around w/ the hats turned sideways, pants around you ankles or giving gang signs to people that are quite obviously not "your niggas". Black people spent years thinking this shit up and have developed it into their own culture. For once lets not try and do what we as Americans do best and bastardize it. While it is good to know what they are talking about do not think that u can walk down the streets of Harlem saying "right about now we are gonna take a pause for the cause, dawg" and think that you will not get shot. I respect the black people for coming up w/ a dialect all their own but YOU ARE NOT BLACK! PICK UP A GODDAMN DICTIONARY FOR A CHANGE AND USE WHAT U FIND IN IT SO PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT! Now their are certain exception s to this rule such as black people that act with class and sophistication but that's allowed. White people surpressed them and they at least deserve that right.

The Penultimate President

I was sitting at the table with nate and ray today and we have a list of the penultimate president:

President:
▫Midget
▫Black
▫Hispanic-Asian
▫Lesbian
▫Southern
▫Jewish heritage
▫Practicing Muslim
▫Unusually obese
▫Hunchback
▫No short-term memory AT ALL
▫Drives a metallic bubblegum pink Hummer H3
▫Dumpster baby

Lifepartner:
▫Native American
▫Hindu
▫Truck Driver
▫Massive Hands
▫Gimpy eye (one really big, one really small)
▫Wears a monocle in the big eye
▫Only Wears Neon pleather clothing
▫Has 3 buck teeth
▫Genetic 5:00 shadow
▫Lives in a bubble

Child (son):
▫Transsexual
▫quadriplegic
▫Mentally retarded
▫Test Tube Baby
▫Random patches of hair all over body
▫Unibrow
▫Only eats bubble solution
▫Thinks he lives on Sesame Street
▫Addicted to German porn
▫Calls everybody "Paco"

Snowy Thoughts

Thinking is one of those things that can either hurt or really help. When you think your mind kind wanders from this to that sometimes in random jumps. I like thinking, it brings things into a better perspective. Lately I've been thinking about Amy and what I'm gonna do when she leaves, where I will be in 10 years and when the hell things are gonna start falling into place. I guess u could say I've been "kerouaking" lately things have been coming out in raw emotions that are both scary and inspiring at the same time. I really hate how emotions work. It snowed last night and after my friends went home I sat outside and watched the snow fall. Snow is one of those things that no matter where it is it always brings a sense of comfort and magic to whatever it touches. Snow is one of those things that really makes you think. Everything around you is dead and it is being covered with a blanket of white thought. Where you were a few years ago and where you are now, how things are gonna work out and how everything that is going in the world has an impact on you. The things that make you happy in this life seem magnified weather for the good or the bad. Funny how millions of lbs of freezing water falling from the sky can have that effect. Ironically it was C.P. Snow that said "the persuit of happiness is a ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you will never find it" after mulling on that mbe I just think to much